30 Funniest Things That Nurses Say or Write

Nursing humor

If you think clueless patients are the only ones who can make us laugh, you’re in for a great surprise.

Blame it on stress, failure to eat on time, or plain stupidity, nurses tend to commit funny mistakes you never thought possible. Sometimes, they also use white lies that are too ridiculous patients don’t even believe them.

Here are some of the real and funny gaffes that nurses write or say:

1. “Findings were very compatible with the ileus. The bladder is still in the colon.”

2. “The drainage from the patient’s chest tube was about 250mL of urine.”

3. “Doctor, I just wanted to let you know that your patient is passing gas.”

4. “My patient says he feels hypoglycemic; I checked his blood sugar and it’s 109. What should I do?”

5. “The patient is an unemployed cashier.”

6. Nurse starting an IV line: “You’re just going to feel a little prick.”

7. Nurse to patient for a urinary catheter: “I’m sorry. I had to go to the pediatric unit to find one that will fit you.”

8. “I had to stop giving the digoxin because the patient’s heart rate was 120.”

Related article: 25 Funniest Things Doctors Say or Write

9. “There were no obvious signs of bleeding but I had to change the dressing several times because it was saturated with blood.”

10. “The enema was administered through the patient’s NGT.”

11. “The rectal examination revealed a normal-sized thyroid.”

12. “The skin was moist and dry.”

13. “The patient refused autopsy.”

14. “He came in with an irregular heart failure.”

15. “The patient did not lose control of her rectum today.”

funniest things that nurses write or say
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16. “On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared.”

17. “Patient’s diarrhea needs to be watched closely.”

18. “Patient needs to be fed only when awake.”

19. “Doctor, please be advised that the patient has decreased urinary intake.”

20. “The patient was lying comfortably in bed. He appeared somewhat uncomfortable.”

21. “Non-audible wheezing was noted.”

Related article: 30 Funniest Things Patients Say

22. “Vancomycin IV has been stopped because a PICC line was needed, and the patient, like many people who have PICC lines, might pull the line out.”

23. “Please check patient’s orthostasis while on the floor.”

24. “The results just got in. The patient has microalbumin anemia.”

25. “I have noticed that the patient has bowel incontinence related to shyness.”

26. “Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”

27. “The patient’s pulses were checked. They were fixed and dilated.”

28. “IVF consumed and terminated, then it was replaced with the same IVF.”

29. “Discharge status: Patient was alive but without permission.”

30. “Chief complaints: Occasional, constant and infrequent headaches.”


Like most people, nurses are able to have fun and enjoy moments even during long shifts. Sometimes, they also even make honest mistakes, but who doesn’t, right?

If you can think of other funny things that nurses say or write, don’t hesitate to share them with us.

About the Author: Mary Elizabeth Velarmino Francisco earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing Degree from the Ateneo de Zamboanga University, Philippines. She is always happy to share her passion for writing and blogging. With coffee running through her veins, she enthusiastically battles each day, one article at a time.