Emergency nursing isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires not just quick thinking, but a tough stomach, too. In the ER, you’ll deal with a lot of things which means you have to be prepared for anything. Sometimes, however, awkward things can also happen there.
From patients with objects stuck in their private parts to patients with cringeworthy requests, healthcare professionals never run out of funny ER stories to share. Below are 11 of the funniest ER tales you’ll hear.
1. When he grows older
“I took care of an 11 year old boy in the ER a little while back. I gave him ketamine for a fracture reduction, or in other words setting and splinting of a broken bone. As he was coming around he started with typical stream of consciousness babbling and then he seemed to snap awake to say “I’m fuckin liiiiiit I’m gonna do so many drugs when I get older” to the amusement of his parents. They thought it was funny and cute but I’m pretty sure I created a monster.”
2. It has always been there.
“I am an ER doc. I once had a 20 year old and his girlfriend come in at 2 am freaking out becuase “something had tore his throat open”. He seemed fine. No blood. Breathing fine. I had him open his mouth, saw nothing. So didn’t want him to lose confidence in me, clearly something had happened, so I’m looking, and looking….there is nothing wrong with this kids throat. Finally I say look, it seems ok…what do you feel or see? “I dont feel it but LOOK ITS RIGHT THERE”. WHERE??? Looking, looking. It was his uvula. Somehow this kid had gotten to the age of 20 without ever noticing his uvula. Girlfriend was also horrified….I told them it was normal. Did not believe me. So I told them I was about to blow their minds and showed him his girlfriends uvula. Minds blown, another life saved in the ER.”
3. Pregnancy vs menopause
“Had a woman who was in active labor, despite insisting she couldn’t be pregnant. She said her last period was “like ten months ago” so she’d gone through menopause.
She was 25.”
4. A different kind of medicine
“I once had a patient tell me he needed his decapitation medicine because he was feeling full of shit. I had to think about it for a minute then I realized he was asking for his constipation medication.”
5. She’s a Libra.
“I asked a patient complaining of dizziness if she had ever been diagnosed with “vertigo”. The daughter chimed in and said “no, no, she’s a Libra…” I then laughed hysterically at her awesome joke. She was dead serious.”
6. A treatment for smelly fart
“Emergency surgeon here. Got called 2 a.m. because a patient demanded to see me because “her daughters farts smelled too bad. Kept a straight face.”
7. Would it?
“I had a patient’s mom ask me if putting a catheter in her 6 year old son would break his hymen and would he still be a virgin.”
8. Nope, not an emergency.
“It was 3am and I’d been on duty in the Emergency since 8am. I was exhausted. A well dressed man came in with his 8 year old, healthy looking, son. I asked him what was the problem. He said, “Well, I was at a wedding and it occurred to me that my son is a little short. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?”
9. The singer in the ER
“My all time favorite: A lady was all gorked out on drugs and alcohol and was passed out on a gurney late one night in the ER. We had the lights dimmed and all was generally quiet. Every so often she would awaken and sing at the top of her lungs, “Doooon’ttt cryyyy foooor meeeee Argentiiiina!” That was 20+ years ago and it still cracks me up.”
10. A tooth in the ear canal
“My brother had lost a baby tooth. He was lying on the couch watching TV playing with the tooth in his fingers above his head. He dropped the tooth and it fell directly into his ear canal. After trying to get it out himself with his fingers he only pushed it deeper in. My father took him to the hospital to get it extracted. The doctor said he had never seen a case of a tooth lodged into an ear canal.”
11. He just wanted to see.
“Man once came in with a minor puncture to his eye. He had decided he would try to see what it looked like to have a bow and arrow aimed at you so he aimed a drawn arrow at his reflection in a mirror and accidentally fired. It bounced off and hit his eye.”
What’s your funny ER stories? Share them with us!