“Say What?” The 15 Funniest Medical Terms Used By Clueless Patients

funniest medical terms made by patients

There is an endless list of medical terms and abbreviations even some nurses are having a hard time memorizing. So just imagine how clueless some patients can be once they encounter intimidating medical terminologies for the first time.

Also Read: 30 Funniest Hospital Chart Bloopers (That Are Actually Real!)

However, human nature dictates that you use the closest  word to what you’re referring to. And when patients do this, nurses already know what they’re talking about. Call it “Nursing instinct” but we empathize with patients for having a “medical dictionary” of their own. After all, hospital is such a very confusing world to stay in.

Listed below  are some of the funniest and outrageous medical terms used by actual patients during their stay at the hospital. Thanks in part to this allnurses.com thread for making this list possible.


1. “Sugar diabetes” (Nursing interpretation: Diabetes mellitus)

2. “Goldbladder” (Nursing interpretation: The gallbladder)

3. “Cadillac” (Nursing interpretation: Cataract)

4. “Hispaniola Disease” (Nursing interpretation: Histoplasmosis)

5. “Congenital Heart Failure” (Nursing interpretation: Congestive Heart Failure)

6. “Mr. Whipple’s Procedure” (Nursing interpretation: Whipple Procedure)

7. Pronounced as: “Tide n all” (Nursing interpretation: Tylenol)

8. “Mind grained” (Nursing interpretation: Migraine)

9. “Va-jay-jay” (Nursing interpretation: Vagina)

Other variations: “Ole pole cat”, “lady parts”, “honey pot”, “pootang“, “my good girl”, and “the growler.”

10. “Johnson” (Nursing interpretation: Penis)

Other variations: “Little soldier” and “The Unemployed.”

11. “Ammonia”  (Nursing interpretation: Pneumonia)

12. “Contraception” (Nursing interpretation: Conception)

13. “Prespiring” (Nursing interpretation: Perspiring)

14. “The Vapors” (Nursing interpretation: Feeling faint or fainting)

15. “Heart Palpations” (Nursing interpretation: Palpitations)


Your Turn

What are the most hilarious or outrageous medical terms made by patients you have ever come across? Feel free to share!